faelans_folly | (no subject)

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Now that I don't necessarily hate what I am I've been enjoying my differences a lot more. On days that I don't work I like spending time at the cafe with Maggie. A good part of the time I like doing that in my wolf form. While my mind is still my own there's something about being in canine form that makes it easier to focus on the here and now and take joy in the little things.

The customers, at least the regulars, have gotten used to me. They don't know I'm also Jack, Maggie's boyfriend, they just think I'm the friendly wolf-like dog that likes to play with them. I've even had a few kids ride me around the shop. It's hard to hate what you are when it makes little kids giggle. There's something about the freedom of being in my wolf form that makes it okay to be... playful.

Which is what I'm in the mood for right now, playful. That's why I'm here at the shop as a wolf, eagerly greeting costumers at the door or making a nuissance of myself with Maggie and the other employees by weaving myself around their legs. I could get used to being playful.

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"That might be part of the reason. I think the other part is that it had to be you because you're the other half of me," I say, completely serious.

"I know," I say, kissing her forehead. Sometimes I can literally feel the connection between us. "You're all the best parts of me."

"And you're the best of me," I answer back and pull him closer. "I love you, Jack. With everything that I am."

"I love you too," I say, pressing my forehead against hers. I don't ever want to let her go, I want to keep her close and safe. I want to keep her and out baby safe.

It's one of those times I just want to crawl onto him and stay there, like my body recognizes its other half and doesn't want even a breath of distance. I stretch myself and press my lips to his throat. "You're going to get even more protective now, aren't you?"

"Mmmmhmmmmm," I growl, more content now than I think I've ever been. I will be even more protective now though, she's not wrong about that. I'll have to focus even more on keeping my temper in check.

I shiver because that sound, that low growl, is one of my favorite sounds in the world. "Oddly enough, I don't mind in the slightest."

"You should go to a doctor soon," I say. I don't want to think about what could go wrong but I know this is important. I want her and the baby to be as healthy as possible.

"Just to make sure everything is... normal."

"I will," I smile and kiss him again, just under his ear, "and I'll have them do any test you think I'll need to set your mind at ease. But the elements don't lie. I felt the harmony when the elements confirmed he was there and growing."

"Have them check to see if it's turning into a bear or anything in there. And you sound like a hippie when you talk like that."

Sometimes it's a little scary, how in tune she is with magic. Scary because I don't understand it at all, but I trust her.

"It's a boy then?"

I giggle. "I will. And the second I feel it rumble instead of kicking, we'll know if there's a wolf growling away in there. Hmm, who knows, maybe I'll have a litter of pups instead?"

I sniff. "I'm not sure what a hippie is, but from the way you say it, I'm not sure if I should be insulted or not." I'm teasing and I know he knows it. "Unless I'm off my mark, yes, Jack, you'll have a son by the solstice."

"I hope he takes after his mother," I say, meaning it. I'm getting better about hating myself less (because how can I fully accept her love if I hate myself?) but I still think she's a better person than me.

I shake my head. "I want him to be all you, Jack."

Tears are back in my eyes over what I can't say, what I won't say.

"You're doing that thing," I say to her, pulling back enough to look her in the eyes again. "Where you're thinking stuff you don't want to tell me."

"It's a thing now, is it?" I ask, trying in vain to laugh it off. I know its pointless, though, so I sigh and nod. "I'm tied to this town, Jack, I can't be anywhere else. The same doesn't hold for you."

Just like it hadn't for my mother.

"I think you're wrong about that," I say. It's been something that I've been thinking about a lot, actually. Because I don't think I could function without her.

"Remember when you said you can feel me through your magic? I think that's because your magic is in me. I think it's anchoring me."

That thought stops my own cyclical fears cold and I raise my eyes to his. "I wonder if that's why you're the only person to have come to the island without arriving in front of me. Maybe things had to be right for that connection to be made?"

"Maybe I didn't come from anywhere," I say, another line of thought I had been following since I realized how much I loved her, how we're connected.

"Maybe I don't remember anything because I didn't exist."

I look up at him, my brows knitted together. "What do you mean, you didn't exist?"

My fingers wrap around his biceps and squeeze for emphasis.

"Maybe I was created just for you."

I know that's unlikely, but I like to think it because it's the best reason to exist that I can think of.

"Maybe you were," I respond, smiling. "I'd like to think that after giving everything I am to this place, it finally gave me something back. And I couldn't have asked for a better gift."

"You should have asked for one that can also sing," I tease, leaning in to kiss her.soft and slow, touched by the comment and figuring that's the best way I can show it.

I giggle against his lips. "Singing's overrated. You make me giggle, and that's ten times better."

"Just because I could sing doesn't mean I couldn't make you giggle too," I point out, kissing down long her throat.

My head falls back to give him better access to more of my throat. A soft sound escapes my lips. "Giggling and purring. Much better than singing. But if you want, we can work on the singing if you want."