I don't even know what I'm doing until I realize that I'm back at my old place as a wolf, hiding under the bed. Big bad soldier and were and I'm under the bed whimpering in shame at what I've done.

Every time. Every time I think I've gotten better something reminds me that I'm not really in control of myself. Or rather, I'm not strong enough to be in the sort of control I want to. One of these days I'm going to hurt someone and Maggie will have to turn me in. I don't want to do that to her but I don't know how to stop it.