faelans_folly | (no subject)

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Now that I don't necessarily hate what I am I've been enjoying my differences a lot more. On days that I don't work I like spending time at the cafe with Maggie. A good part of the time I like doing that in my wolf form. While my mind is still my own there's something about being in canine form that makes it easier to focus on the here and now and take joy in the little things.

The customers, at least the regulars, have gotten used to me. They don't know I'm also Jack, Maggie's boyfriend, they just think I'm the friendly wolf-like dog that likes to play with them. I've even had a few kids ride me around the shop. It's hard to hate what you are when it makes little kids giggle. There's something about the freedom of being in my wolf form that makes it okay to be... playful.

Which is what I'm in the mood for right now, playful. That's why I'm here at the shop as a wolf, eagerly greeting costumers at the door or making a nuissance of myself with Maggie and the other employees by weaving myself around their legs. I could get used to being playful.

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I know by the way he holds me that he wants to avoid my eyes. I don't fight him on that because I need to avoid his as well. He can read me better than anyone except Levi. Hell, probably better than Levi.

"And if you could? If what was done had no bearing on...on that part of you?"

The question hurts, even though I know she doesn't mean it to. Wanting something you can't have is never good to dwell on, but it's a fair question all the same and I know the answer to it.

"I'd like to. If it was with you, I'd like to."

I pull back at once, my hands find his face and force his eyes to mine. I don't see the pain - I'm too afraid to trust what I've heard. "You would? Really?"

"Of course," I say, forcing myself to keep my eyes on hers. Reaching out I run my fingers through her hair, trying to distract myself from the age in my heart by comforting her.

"Oh Jack," I manage through the tears gathering in my eyes and the emotion clogging my throat. "You might want to sit down."

"Maggie, just tell me what the hell you're thinking," I say, suddenly worried. The entire time at the cafe and now all the questions at home and she's yet to tell me what she's thinking and now I'm scared.

She's the protector of this place, or at least the human face of it. She's a descendant of the original Faelan. Of course she has to have a kid. She has to have a baby with someone, I realize that now. And I can't give it to her.

"I'm thinking," I start, swallow, stop, start again. "I'm thinking that I'm very glad you feel the way you do about kids. Because in about eight months you're going to have to put up or shut up."

I frown, trying to understand what she's saying. A part of my brain understands it, she's not being terribly unclear but I find it so hard to believe that my mind refuses to really process it.

"You mean, you're going to have a baby in 8 months?"

"Close," I answer, keeping his face in mine. "It would be more precise to say that I'm going to have our baby in 8 months."

I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. What could I say? I had no doubt that any baby she was carrying was mine, even if I knew she wouldn't cheat on me it would have essentially been impossible for her to do so without me finding out.

But I had so strongly assumed it wasn't possible for me that I don't know how to process this. I meant what I said, I would have liked to have children with her, just being confronted with that reality was something else.

"But how?"

I level an eyebrow at him. "You mean to tell me they didn't go over this in health class at some point in your school career?"

I can't help it. I want to laugh, cry, sing, everything. All at the same time.

My eyes leave hers for a moment as I look outside to check the weather. Gorgeous weather, which means that she's happy, which is very good. I still don't know what to say, but I smile big at her and hug her close, blinking away tears.

"Didn't think it was possible."

"I didn't think it was either. Something my father said," I tell him, "magic he wrought. But when I went on my walk earlier, when I Looked to see and found the little life under my heart, I remembered what he said. He wasn't dooming me to childless life, he was making sure it wouldn't happen until...until I met you."

Damn it all, but my eyes were leaking again, running rivers down my cheeks.

"We're going to have a baby," I say, not sure if I'm more delighted or terrified. The realization of what it means, of the responsibility of it all is more than a little bit terrifying. I'll be a terrible father. I will. I'm a mess of a person, how am I supposed to teach a tiny person to not be a mess.

"We're going to have a baby."

I nod, my eyes searching his face through the tears. I take his hand and lead it to the small of my stomach just under my belly button. "What are you thinking?" I ask softly.

"I'm going to be a terrible father," I mutter, although I can't help but give a little laugh because despite that, I'm still happy about this, still excited.

"Good thing I know you'll be an amazing mother."

I smile because if there's one consistent thing, it's Jack's ability to think the worst of himself.

"On the contrary, I think you're going to be an amazing father. Which is good because I'll probably be terrible. The only mother figure I have to draw on is Levi's and she's a pit viper. Guess we'll just have to work it out together?"

"You're always mothering everyone," I point out. I'm sure she'll do an even better job with our own child. Even just thinking about the concept of 'our own child' makes me a bit giddy.

"That's grown people," I say and then my eyes go huge. "Jack. I've never even held a child that small. What if I break it?"

"Maybe that's why you had to wait for me?" I say, giving her a bit of a smile. "Have to wait until you could have a kid that would be durable enough."

"That might be part of the reason. I think the other part is that it had to be you because you're the other half of me," I say, completely serious.

"I know," I say, kissing her forehead. Sometimes I can literally feel the connection between us. "You're all the best parts of me."

"And you're the best of me," I answer back and pull him closer. "I love you, Jack. With everything that I am."

"I love you too," I say, pressing my forehead against hers. I don't ever want to let her go, I want to keep her close and safe. I want to keep her and out baby safe.

It's one of those times I just want to crawl onto him and stay there, like my body recognizes its other half and doesn't want even a breath of distance. I stretch myself and press my lips to his throat. "You're going to get even more protective now, aren't you?"