[closed - Jack and Maggie]

[irishcoffee]

It wasn't every day that a new arrival came to the Folly genuinely happy to be there. I got a lot of shock, the occasional screamer, tears enough to make a waterfall off the highest peak, but never someone that just plopped into one of the barstools, and ordered coffee and a muffin.

I didn't get any real sense that he was happy about it for any nefarious reasons, but I knew I'd be sending my preternatural investigators around to introduce themselves just in case.

In the meantime, he was a really pleasant guy with a great laugh and a flirtatious nature that he bestowed on anyone that came in for coffee, male and female. He'd even asked me out once, but backed off graciously enough when I told him I was with someone (with the obligatory remarks about it 'always being the good ones' and my lack of outward symbols that I was off the market.)

From then on, I told him more about the Folly, he told me more about himself and we genuinely had a fun afternoon, laughing with each other.

Comments

[everywere]

I gasp as the blast of cold air hits me and Maggie's voice cuts through my tension like a knife. I snap back to myself and realize what I'm doing. I can smell how scared Dylan is, that he's absolutely terrified.

I let him go, dropping him to his feet as I suddenly feel sick with shame. I thought I was better than this, that I had more control over my actions.

"I- I'm sorry," I say, stepping away from him. All the old self-hate and loathing hits me hard, something I thought I was done with.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him again before I rush out of the shop.

[irishcoffee]

I shoot a glare at Dylan. "What'd you say?" Dylan stammers and tries denial but I stop him with a cold blast to his face. "Bullshit. Jack wouldn't have gone territorial unless you'd made some kind of move on me. Now tell me."

My voice resonates by the time I finish and the fear that had left him spikes again. What can I say, I'm a witch. I can be scary as hell when I want to be. When he finishes telling me what happened, and exactly what he said, I give him a disgusted look, tell him to go to the apartment I directed him to, and change his pants.

A second later, I'm out the door. I open my senses and whip the wind in several directions to find his scent.

[everywere]

I don't even know what I'm doing until I realize that I'm back at my old place as a wolf, hiding under the bed. Big bad soldier and were and I'm under the bed whimpering in shame at what I've done.

Every time. Every time I think I've gotten better something reminds me that I'm not really in control of myself. Or rather, I'm not strong enough to be in the sort of control I want to. One of these days I'm going to hurt someone and Maggie will have to turn me in. I don't want to do that to her but I don't know how to stop it.

[irishcoffee]

By the time I find him, I'm beyond frantic. I bang into the room, slamming the door open and look around willdly. "Jack? Jack? Are you in here?"

[everywere]

I whimper from under the bed, even more ashamed now that I've worried her so much. I can tell from both the weather outside and her smell that she's in a panic. I wonder if she thinks I've run off and killed someone. I don't think she'd think that of me, but I wouldn't blame her if she did.

[irishcoffee]

I drop down to the floor immediately and look under. "Jack," I exhale in relief. "Come out, baby, please? "

[everywere]

I don't meet her eyes, although I can tell how relieved she is to have found me. Part of me thinks it would have been better for her in the long run if she never did. If I just stayed here in my makeshift den I'd never upset, worry, or disappoint her again.

My only response is to let out a mournful howl.

[irishcoffee]

"All right then, I'm coming in."

Even though he's in his wolf form, I know he won't harm me. I've awakened curled up to this wolf too many times to not trust him. I scoot under the bed and curl onto my side with my back to him. "I talked to the little sleaze after you left and he told me what he said. I kicked him out of my cafe." I pause then gie a mirthless laugh. "Well, first I scared him so badly he pissed his pants then I kicked him out."

I take a breath. "You did nothing wrong, Jack. Nothing to merit this but stand up for my honor."

[everywere]

It feels good to have her pressed against me like this even though I know I don't deserve this level of comfort. I'm glad that she's not upset at me but I feel like she should be. I'm upset with myself.

"Almost killed him," I say, voice rough and growling coming through the muzzle of the wolf. "Would have. Lost control."

[irishcoffee]

"You didn't do anything of the sort, Jack. I sensed something off in the room but couldn't place it. If you had been about to almost anything I'd have known. You might have been thinking murderous things about the asshole, but you wouldn't have acted. He made a move to come after me, right?"

[everywere]

I nod once, although I know I would have killed him or at least hurt him if Maggie hadn't stopped me. After all this time violence still comes so easy to me, it's almost always my first instinctual response to a problem.

[irishcoffee]

"You were protecting your mate," I say, and only stumble a little over the word because it's so permanent sounding and we've never really made any declarations like that. "I won't have you beating yourself up over your nature. I love all of you, Jack. The animal sides, and the human sides. You have to accept those sides, as well, even if those instincts don't make sense to your human one."

[everywere]

I take a deep breath and force myself to shift back to human, jaw clenching down from the pain of it. It's over soon though and I shift so that I can look her in the eyes.

"The urge to kill comes so fast and easy though."

[irishcoffee]

"The urge comes, Jack, but you don't act immediately like an animal would. The human part of you has the control to restrain that. You need to give yourself a little credit along with the self hate sometimes."

I turned to face him, my hand to his cheek.

[everywere]

"Only because you stop me," I say, although I know that's only partially true. I hadn't killed the guy yet, even though I wanted to. I need to find a way to practice restraining myself though.

[irishcoffee]

"You know," I say, an idea forming. "We've got a few preternaturals around here that could more than handle a bit more than the usual human."

I smiled. "Maybe we can ask one of them to piss you off?"

[everywere]

"And what, I make sure that I don't hurt them?" I ask with a snort. It's not really that bad of an idea. The part of me that's been trained to the point if brainwashing knows repetition of actual circumstances is the best way to prepare for something.

[irishcoffee]

"Well, the one I'm thinking of is already dead, so I don't think you'd be able to hurt her," Maggie said, matter-of-fact.

[everywere]

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or insulted that she doesn't think I could hurt whoever this person is. I know she doesn't mean it to be insulting but I know I'm supposed to be the scariest, deadliest thing out there.

"Well, it doesn't matter because the point is to keep control, right?"

[irishcoffee]

"The point is to get used to this side of you so you're more comfortable controlling it. Bella isn't in danger of getting hurt, so the worst that could happen is...nothing."

I look up into his eyes. "Or there are others that could help if you'd rather not have Bella. I just want to help you. But if I'm overstepping, I'll back off."

[everywere]

"You're not overstepping," I reassure her. The fact that she wants to help still amazes me. I don't know what she sees in me but I'm glad she sees it.

[irishcoffee]

"I'll speak with her then, see if we can arrange something," I smiled. "You've already squared off against her once, shouldn't take much to trigger your protective, possessive side."

I can't help the smirk that forms. "Have I ever mentioned that I don't mind that side of you at all?"

[everywere]

"Really?" I ask. I would think she'd be more worried about it or frustrated by it. Or, more likely, insulted because she can clearly take care of herself. She's gone most of her life taking care of herself just fine.

"Why?"

[irishcoffee]

"I don't know if I can explain it, or if it will come out right," I say, hand on his cheek again, thumb brushing his lips. "When Levi gets all protective of me, my first response is to shove back and reassert that I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

I shiver a little. "When you do it, when some guy looks at me and you growl so low only I can hear it, or if someone flirts with me and you touch my hand, my shoulder, my arm, laying claim or marking territory or whatever you want to call it? It just feels right. Like I belong, like I'm claimed, like I can feel your arms around me even if you're across the room." I pause, brush his lip again. "And it also turns me right the hell on."

[everywere]

"I don't understand it, but I'm glad you feel that way," I say with a chuckle before kissing her fingers. I didn't know she felt all that, but it doesn't sound like a bad feeling at all, so that's good. If it makes her feel good then I'm not going to worry too much about it because that's what I want for her, to be happy.

[irishcoffee]

"I didn't either, not at first," I say, feeling the warmth of his lips on my fingers travel all through me. "But I think it comes down to feeling wanted, needed, in a way I've never felt before. That, and knowing that if I fall, someone will be there to catch me, if I need it, there's a safe haven."

[everywere]

"I do want you and need you," I say, which is a strange admission for me. I don't even know how I need her, not really, except that I do. I know that if she were gone that I would completely fall apart, despite the fact that I had lived for years without her.

[irishcoffee]

I lean up to nuzzle against his throat, my lips just under his ear, happy that I've been able to pull him from the darkness that held him. And because I know that's one of his favorite things. "Good thing. Because you've got me, Jack."

[everywere]

I give a happy growl at the nuzzling and kiss, because I know she's doing it just for me, to make me happy and help me relax. I like it, it's a good feeling.

"Guess we should get out from under the bed."

[irishcoffee]

"You think?" I laugh, kissing his throat again. "It's so very comfortable under here."

[everywere]

"You say that because you're tiny," I grumble, although with the way she's kissing me I can't complain too much. That always makes things more pleasant.

[irishcoffee]

"Come on then," I say after a peck to his lips. "Let's go home where it's comfortable for both of us."